Debbie B

Debbie B

My first birth was a traumatic c-section after 72 hours of labour. Even through I had done Hypnobirthing and felt that I understood everything, I felt unsupported and misunderstood. I was offered interventions from the moment I walked into the labour ward, and the stress of being there increased my blood pressure, and they didn’t let me go home, so I laboured for 3 days in the labour ward, and part of that was in a room with another woman who had already had her baby. After 12 hours, my cervix hadn’t dilated past 2cm and waters hadn’t broken, so they suggested that I break my waters and begin syntocin. At this point, I still didn’t want to use any pain relief, so they started syntocin and the pain hit me hard. I laboured like this overnight, feeling more and more deflated and exhausted. Eventually, I was told that my cervix was swollen and I had started developing a fever. They gave me 6 hours to see if anything would change, and all the while increasing my syntocin dosage.

By the time they returned, my contractions were unbearably painful, and I just wanted the whole thing to be over. I felt broken and defeated as I gave the go ahead for the c section. I was rushed into theatre and remember feeling like an absolute failure.

In hindsight, I was just uninformed and made “wrong” decision after wrong decision. I desperately wanted a vaginal birth and didn’t feel heard or seen throughout the whole process, and felt completely out of control.

During my second pregnancy I fell into antenatal depression and anxiety, fearing that it would happen again. This time I was informed, hired a doula to be my advocate and had a painfree vaginal birth without pain relief. However my son was in NICU for the first 2 weeks of his life, and at the same time, there was a lot of issues in my business, and I didn’t give myself space or time to fully heal or process physically or emotionally. Instead, I suppressed most of it and “soldiered on”.

After processing and healing my experience over the last 4 years, I feel ready to help others with theirs, and I believe it is so important that we support and help each other through this and know that we aren’t alone. I sold my previous business in 2020, and since 2018, have dedicated my life to helping women heal their womb traumas in facilitating 1:1 and group meditation and healing sessions. I know now that because of the traumas I went through, I am able to hold space for women to heal theirs.

I feel deeply grateful to ABTA for allowing this space for connection, and look forward to connecting with you.

Tags: c-section, prolonged labour, antenatal depression and anxiety, NICU,
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